Dying Young
by Insanetrouble
Summary: Songfic with Ziva and Gibbs- Father and daughter relationship. Ziva remembers her sister. Please tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Yikes! My first fic unless you count a rather weird poem last week… anyway, please tell me what ya think!**

**Disclaimer: I sadly own neither NCIS or The Band Perry**

* * *

><p><em>If I die young bury me in satin<em>

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

Ziva sang along to her iPod in the locker room, exhausted from her workout in the gym. When she'd first heard this song a couple of weeks ago she'd immediately thought of her mother and sister. It was Tali's type of song.

_Lord make me a rainbow I'll shine down on_

_my mother_

_She'll know I'm safe with you when she_

_stands under my colors_

_Oh and life ain't always what you think it_

_ought to be_

_No, ain't even gray but she buries her baby_

_The sharp knife of a short life_

_Well I've had just enough time_

She continued singing as she searched for her shower stuff in her locker- she was sure she'd put them in there somewhere.

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_The sharp knife of a short life_

_Well I've had just enough time_

The song was kinda depressing, but then, Tali had always liked songs about death. Ziva forever teased her about the clash of her personality with her taste in music. Her sister and Abby were a lot alike. When Ziva had first come to NCIS, seeing Abby had been a painful reminder of what she'd lost.

_And I'll be wearing white when_

_I come into your kingdom_

_I'm as green as the ring on my little_

_cold finger_

She remembered picking out the dress to bury Tali in. Her father had hesitantly asked her to just days before the funeral. One of the only times he'd ever hesitated, Ziva thought ruefully.

_I've never known the lovin' of a man_

_But it sure felt nice when he was_

_holdin' my hand_

_There's a boy here in town who says_

_he'll love me forever_

_Who would have thought forever could_

_be severed by_

_The sharp knife of a short life_

_Well I've had just enough time_

She'd met Tali's boyfriend for the first time at the funeral. Tali had come home one day moths before, giddy with happiness. For the first time in weeks, Ziva had sat down and had a 'girly' talk with her sister.

_So put on your best boys_

_and I'll wear my pearls_

_What I never did is done_

_A penny for my thoughts_

_Oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar_

_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_

_And maybe then you'll hear the words_

_I've been singing_

_Funny when you're dead how people start_

_a-listenin'_

Ziva slid to the floor with a picture of Tali in her hand, no longer singing. It still amazed her how much Tali's death hurt her. And the guilt never went away.

_If I die young bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

Tears began to run down her cheeks as memories flashed before her. Tali being born, her birthdays, the giggles that would run late into the night.

_Uh oh_

_The ballad of the dove_

_Uh oh_

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_

_Save them for a time when you're really_

_gonna need 'em_

She choked back tears, desperately trying not to completely break down. Images of Tali riding bareback, hair streaming out behind her, flashed through her mind, bringing on a fresh wave of tears.

_Oh the sharp knife of a short life_

_Well I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys_

_And I'll wear my pearls._

She smiled slightly, remembering when Tali was younger. She stared at the picture, blurry through her tears.

"You used to be so funny" she whispered softly, caressing the photo gently. "When you danced around in the garden because you didn't think anyone was watching, I used to film it from the window. I was going to put all the clips together on a video and give it to you as a wedding present. I still have the clips! Or when you did impressions of the guests you'd met at one of fathers' parties! I used to lie next door, stuffing my fist in my mouth so I didn't laugh out loud. I was so proud of you, especially when I watched you up on stage. I do not think I ever told you that."

She continued talking for a while after that, alternating between crying and laughing. She poured her heart out to a picture, having a long overdue chat with her sister. Not for one minute did she think that she might be being watched.

"Ziver"

The voice came from her left, and she shot to her feet, hand flying to her hip for her gun. Too late, she realised it was in her holster in the stupid locker. In front of her stood Gibbs, who was looking at her with an odd expression on his face.

"Gibbs! How… how long were you standing there?" she stammered, lowering her hand.

"Long enough" he said moving forward. "You have a beautiful singing voice" Ziva looked at her feet, embarrassed.

"That long?" She said, halfway between angry and ashamed.

"There's nothing wrong with talking to her Ziver. Everybody talks to dead loved ones. " At this, Gibbs slips an arm around her, still surprised at the Israeli's display of emotion just minutes before.

"Even you?"

"Especially me." He smiles a rare smile "It's if they answer back when you've got a problem" Ziva smiled at this, hugging Gibbs back gently.

"Now go home Ziver. It's midnight. "

"I'm just going to-"

"Did it sound like a request?"

* * *

><p><strong>Please tell me what you think! Mental hugs to all who do!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay… here it is! Please tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I own **_**nada.**_

_I was only looking for a shortcut home  
>But it's complicated<br>So complicated  
>Somewhere in this city is a road I know<br>Where we could make it  
>But maybe there's no making it now <em>

Ziva walked blindly through the streets, not paying attention to where she was going.__

_Too long we've been denying  
>Now we're both tired of trying<br>We hit a wall and we can't get over it  
>Nothing to relive<br>It's water under the bridge  
>You said it, I get it<br>I guess it is what it is _

She was so confused. About her sisters death, about Tony. About her life. She sang along to her iPod, desperately trying to concentrate on anything but the thoughts in her head.__

_I was only trying to bury the pain  
>But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying<br>Was only trying to save me  
>But I lost you again<br>Now there's only lying  
>Wish I could say it's only me<br>_

She had argued with her sister the last time she'd seen her. She had argued with Tony, and had been sure she was never going to see him again. She had hurt Abby, put Gibbs in an impossible position.

_Too long we've been denying  
>Now we're both tired of trying<br>We hit a wall and we can't get over it  
>Nothing to relive<br>It's water under the bridge  
>You said it, I get it<br>I guess it is what it is _

As she sang the words, she realised she had already said them. A lifetime ago. To Malachi, just before she left him to go on that goddamned suicide mission.__

_Here it comes ready or not  
>We both found out it's not how we thought<br>That it would be, how it would be  
>If the time could turn us around<br>What once was lost may be found  
>For you and me, for you and me <em>

She was sure she had lost Tony. So sure their relationship had been broken beyond repair, and unable to face the prospect she had run away. Coward.__

_Too long we've been denying  
>Now we're both tired of trying<br>We hit a wall and we can't get over it  
>Nothing to relive<br>It's water under the bridge  
>You said it, I get it<br>I guess it is what it is  
><em>

She hurt everyone. Tali, Ari, Jenny. In some way, they had all died because of her. Everyone she came into contact with. Everyday she woke up terrified that she would go into work to find she'd lost someone else.

_I was only looking for a shortcut home  
>But it's complicated<br>So complicated_

But she had fixed her relationship with Tony, and none of the team had held Somalia against her. Somehow, she had everything her father had always told her she never would. Tears made their way down her cheeks as a new wave of grief washed over her. She felt guilty, being able to have all this when she was the reason so many wouldn't. She collapsed on a bench, curled up. Tali had only ever wanted a family, Ari wanted to be able to walk outside without wondering whether it would be the last time. Jenny… well, she had wanted Gibbs.

Somehow, the man in question now stood in front of her. She blinked, wondering if she'd been hit over the head.

"What part of go home didn't you understand, Ziver?" he asked sitting down next to her.

"I… how did you find me?"

"My gut." He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. He could feel her shaking. "What're you doing out here?"

"Thinking." Came the reply.

"'Bout?"

"Tali. Ari. Jenny." She spoke softly, pain clear on her face. "I feel guilty Gibbs. They should have what I have instead. All Ari wanted was to get out, all Tali wanted was to have a family who loved her! All Jenny wanted was to tell you how she felt! She was such a better person than me; she should have all of this, and the same with Tali!" This all burst out of her at once, the need to make someone, _anyone_ understand overwhelming.

"But they're not here Ziver. You are. They all loved you; all wanted you to be happy. You can't change the past, but don't you think they'd be happy if they knew you were changing the future?"

"I don't know." Ziva whispered.

"Well, I do. They want you to have what they didn't Ziver. And you will." He kissed her temple gently, heart breaking. He couldn't believe she'd been bottling this up for so long. There was silence for a long while, until Ziva sat up carefully. She looked at Gibbs, before leaning over and kissing his cheek.

"Toda, Abba." He smiled at her, before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to her feet.

"Come on. You're staying at my house for the rest of the night."

They walked off together, with ghosts from the past smiling down at them. It might take awhile, but Gibbs was right. Ziva _would _have it all someday.


End file.
